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June. Brides month. Big misery? Those bits and pieces, once inside wedding gowns, now aren’t. The behind has become forefront. The back crack is now way out. A bosom, no longer in one’s bosom, is the modern centerpiece.
The neckline slit’s deep plunge joins another slit. The sides are all cut out. Trash is cash. Even if shaped like a gorilla, today’s bride wants a strapless bra. But can NOT! get one.
Lori Kaplan of Bra Tenders hides or heaves whatever jiggles or juggles onstage — G-strings, bloomers, bras, thongs, tights, custom corsets, boob tape and knickers for all of Broadway’s high kickers. Built like a moose? K cup? She has a hammock for you. Kim Kardashian’s used duct tape. For men, they do dance belts, even guy-strings for nude scenes.
Lori: “COVID’s disrupted the supply chain. China’s shut down. We can’t get safety pins or needles. Our biggest vendor’s container-load of strapless bras are stuck in a ship’s port on the other side of the world. It’s wedding season, graduation season, prom season. They want strapless bras. Can’t get them.
“Soldiers in Afghanistan found pantyhose created filters to keep sand from mucking up equipment. We collected 40 pounds of laundered Broadway pantyhose and shipped them overseas with notes saying ‘Brooke Shields wore these’ or ‘Jane Krakowski had this one on.’ ”
This de Vil is drab
The Cruella film’s p.r. budget beats Biden’s. Good are Emma Stone, Emma Thompson, the dogs, wardrobe, makeup, special effects. But it’s repetitive amped-up camp, and at 2 hours 15 is longer than a lousy marriage. Some characters speak so British they’re not always understood. My AMC Theatre showing had five patrons.
Jimmy Fallon did his “Tonight” thing from his Hamptons digs. Stephen Colbert? From his claustrophobic office.
Colbert: “We converted a storage room on the eighth floor of the Ed Sullivan theater to a performance space. It’s me, a producer, a stage manager and three robotic cameras. In my head’s a tank of memories of doing a show with an audience. You know if the show is working because the audience makes noise. Now the tank’s empty. Desperate to get back, I’m like somebody who plays an instrument and can’t touch it. I feel like I’m just going out there and reading sheet music.”
Off the hook
New York law automatically immunizes key witnesses in a coming “special” investigative Trump grand jury. No prosecution for anything related to the investigation means those called have two choices: A) Do NOT testify against DJT and potentially face charges based on themselves being debased; or B) Testify against Trump to gain immunity from prosecution. Huh.
FYI: Memorial weekend I read three great nearly new books. James Patterson’s “21st Birthday” from Little, Brown and Co., David Baldacci’s “A Gambling Man” from Grand Central Publishing and Mary Kay Andrews’ “The Newcomer” from St. Martin’s Press.
If you need a read, I’m recommending.
Be it known that every future child born in the United States will be endowed with life, liberty and a share of Biden’s debt.
Only in America, kids, only in America.
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