A giant bed for three, finding lovers on Gumtree and foursomes – I love my polyamorous lifestyle

SHOVING the ‘Yoga for Beginners’ book under her pillow, teenage Gillian Myhill went to sleep thinking of men – and women. 

“I’d grabbed it from my much older stepsister’s room because it had pictures of barely-dressed women in,” she says.

 “Even in my early teens I knew I didn’t just like looking at men, but ladies too. They really turned me on.”

But whereas Gillian, now 41, lost her virginity to a local lad when she was 16 she didn’t get intimate with a woman until she was in her late 20s. 

And she was so turned on she went on to have relationships with both men and women at the same time. 

With an ex-partner, a woman she was in a relationship with for seven years, they would swipe Tinder for available blokes then the two of them would jointly date them for a few months before moving onto the next one.

“I’m polyamourous,” she says, speaking as a study from the University of Washington in the USA revealed poly relationships were under particular strain during the pandemic with lockdown laws and single safety bubbles making it difficult to date even one person let alone two.

Sadly, for Gillian her two-and-a-half year relationship did struggle to survive and she split up with her male partner, who she asked not to name, in the winter. 

Associate Professor of Digital Rhetoric and Writing Studies from Washington University, Riki Thompson, said in an article for The Conversation: “For single people, finding at least one partner has been hard enough during the pandemic. 

“But for those accustomed to juggling multiple relationships, the pandemic has forced them to rethink their expectations for dating altogether.”

A 2018 study suggesting 1.44m adults in the USA are polyamorous (the equivalent figures are not available for the UK) suggests Gillian, from east London, is far from alone in her desires.

“Polyamory came around for me because I have always been very sexual,” she says. I always knew I was bisexual – I liked both men and women. 

“Ultimatley I lean towards men, I am definately not a lesbian.

“But even as a young teen women intrigued me. I remember being just 12 and finding this yoga book with semi-naked women in it and looking through it at night.

“I hid it under my pillow and then mum found it, I was so embarrassed but experimentation happens.”

We would sleep in the same bed, it got really hot in the summer so occasionally one of us would move out but by and large that was the norm.

As she got older she says she was “sexually repressed” and only dated men but moving from Australia to London aged 27 her behaviour changed.

She says: “I started dating a guy and around three months in he suggested we have a threesome with a girl.

“Most saucy talk happens in bed and he knew I was curious.

“From there the seed was planted and weeks later we got looking.”

However, they broke up before it could happen but, the idea in her head, Gillian went on Gumtree looking for a couple.

Aged 28 Gillian – Gumtree advert in hand – met a married pair in The Botanist pub in Sloane Square, central London.

She admitted she was nervous – like you might be before any date.

“We went on your typical first date, drinks and a meal, and things went really well,” she says. “I was really nervous. I really liked them both emotionally and sexually and happily they felt the same. 

“So we started dating. It wasn’t awkward at all and I didn’t feel like the other woman or the third wheel. 

“They were both very welcoming. We all joined in a relationship together.

“Five months in we moved in together.

“We would sleep in the same bed, it got really hot in the summer so occasionally one of us would move out but by and large that was the norm.

“There was no jealousy. We’d go to parties, gigs and dinner parties together. Our friends knew us as a threesome.”

She says mates thought it wasn’t weird, adding her parents knew – but didn’t talk about it in general. “My mum was open-minded but my dad was traditional,” she says.

“We all knew what each other wanted and the rules, while not formally written down, were very clear from the offset.

“The main rule was everyone had to be open and involve everyone – so we could have sex as a two within the three, or as a three but not with anyone else unless all three were involved

“So we could have foursomes. That was the most we had.”

She says to anyone considering entering into a relationship with two other people that “communication is key”. 

“No sleeping with other people unless we were all around,” she says. “And of course it wasn’t just all sex, sex, sex.

“Of course we would fight. It is part of figuring yourself out.

However, after three-and-a-half years the man in the relationship left – although they all remained close friends – leaving Gillian in a lesbian partnership. 

She told how he found another woman in a traditional partnership.

“My female lover and I remained together for more than three-and-a-half years after that,” she says. “We lived together and she would find men for us to invite into our relationship.

“She’d use dating apps, Tinder and OKCupid, and we would keep a boy for a few months. 

“It worked well for us, you have that initial rush of something new.

“It’s funny; we would go and meet them in restaurants and we would sit as a pair across from them – they must have been quite intimidated.”

She says while they still remain close friends they split up as their relationship became “quite volatile”. “We would break up, get back together and break up,” she says.

We lived together and she would find men for us to invite into our relationship. She’d use dating apps, Tinder and OKCupid, and we would keep a boy for a few months. 

“In the end I am more into men and wanted – or at the very least thought I wanted – a more traditional life.”

Afterwards the dating coach travelled the world before she met her next love match – a man – two-and-a-half years ago. “This was through friends,” she says. 

He wasn’t bisexual or poly but knew she was and they quickly entered the scene together. But last year – due to the stresses of lockdown and work among other issues – parted ways. 

“I am still grieving that relationship,” she says. “A lot of men think they want girls that want girls and they think threesomes are going to be two women and their c***.

“But in my experience the women will always bond together. 

“I don’t go on dates with men or women separately to my main relationship when I am in them, I will always date as a pair.

“Now in relationships I am always open and honest about everything – I can’t see myself ever going back to a ‘normal’ relationship.

“I know it isn’t for everyone but it is for me – the more the merrier!”

Meanwhile, this couple believe they've discovered the secret to endurance in the bedroom.

And if you're looking to dress to impress, you might want to have a read of why this is the most flattering dress ever.

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